My Journal

Hey Guys and Gals,

Be sure to attend the Monroe City, Missouri Reenactment (May 4,5,6).  It should be a HOOT!  We need YANKS!!!  Contact: dhayes@accutherm.com

Mad Jack

United States Air Ship "Eagle"

Commissioned April 18th, 1863

As the Union's First Aerial Siege Balloon

The “Eagle” was equipped with six modified rocket tubes that fired desiccated flaming horse apples.  The gondola was designed and manufactured by the Baldwin Military Basket Works at Pissywick Creek Pennsylvania.  Baldwin was also contracted to develop cylindrical basket bombs for the Union Army’s “Project Vermin”.  The exterior of Baldwin’s balloon gondola was reconstructed to carry up to one hundred and eighty five basket bombs.  Each basket was stuffed with straw and three to four rabid rats.

The objective was to drop these rat baskets behind permanent enemy fortifications under cover of night.  Straw was added as a rat basket component because early tests resulted in too many smashed rats.

Flaming horse apples were designed to start fires behind enemy fortifications thereby destroying the enemy’s infrastructure and forcing them to use up sorely depleted water resources.  They were secretly manufactured by the Horace Snidley Philadelphia Packing House.  The operation was overseen by a mysterious and shadowy Major Bernard Mumphrey of the 51st Massachusetts who also oversaw the Pennsylvania Rat Basket Project.  It is believed by some that Major Mumphrey’s clandestine Civil War unit still exists today as “Area 51”.

Aerial attack apples were much different from those used by either the infantry or light field artillery, these will be addressed in a future issue.  The manufacturing process involved the use of fresh grain fed horse pudding combined with dried first crop hay, bees wax, and a small amount of kerosene.  These were mixed and kneaded by hand into a thick and full bodied aromatic compound known as military stable mud, the basic pre curser to C-4.  A two and a half inch diameter heavy leather tube six inches long and closed on one end, like a dice cup, was soaked in water for three hours and then stretched over a three and a half inch wood dowel.  The stretched leather tube was then tightly packed with stable mud and the open end sewed closed with wet rawhide sinew.  This devise was then hickory smoked for twenty days until rock hard.  Shrinkage, referred to as “cutting the turd /tube” allowed this incendiary projectile to fit snugly into a two and a half inch rocket launching tube.

An appropriately sized black powder charge would launch and ignite the desiccated leather horse apple tube, referred to as “ fried chitlins”. Upon impact the chitlins would disintegrate igniting the enclosed kerosene laced horse apple.  Enemy accounts regarding these screaming fiery horse apples indicated that they struck terror in the hearts of those under attack giving rise to the phrase

“Oh sh-t”.

The mysterious Major Mumphrey also oversaw “Project Bread Box” in which midgets were trained to man the “Eagle’s” gondola.  This allowed the balloon’s gondola not only less weight but also more space for a really good load of horse apples and rats.

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Recipe for a Confederate Soldier

1 sock

2 brogans with sole removed from one

3/4 of a shirt

3/4 of a pair of trousers

1 kepi minus half of brim

1 suspender

  A few missing buttons

5 cups of sweat

1/2 cup of dirt

Combine ingredients and bake at 100° for 2 days.  When done he will come out stiff, yet sticky, and aromatic.  Serve with a cold beer and a hot bath.

© Mad Jack Keating  www.madjacksattic.com

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